Biographical Gospel of the Lord

- Chapter 205 -
The Repentant Tullia Is Forgiven

NLY AFTER a while did Tullia recover from the shock which these words had given her, whereupon she began to weep bitterly and said,
'O Lord, why did I one day receive sight in this house; why did I become the wife of Cyrenius, so I now in my supposed good fortune must suffer so much?
Why did You awaken her who was dead? Why did life again have to return into my breast?
Was I then born for torment and why must I be the one, while thousands live peacefully and happily and hardly know anything about the tear which anguish presses from the eye?'
Hereupon Mary, stirred by compassion, consoled Tullia with the following words:
'Tullia, you must not contend with the Lord, your and my God!
You see, it has ever been the way of the Lord that He subjects the very ones whom He loves to quite strong trials!
Recognize this in your heart and awaken your love to Him anew, and He will quickly forget His threat and will receive you anew into His grace!
For quite often indeed has He threatened the doers of evil and has had their destruction declared to them for the following day by the prophets and designated the spot, where the dogs should lick up their blood.
But if the evil-doer repented, He promptly spoke to the prophet: Do you not see that he does penance? Therefore I will not punish him either.
'When Jonah was called of God to declare destruction to the Ninevites, who had become enmeshed in all manner of sins
he did not want to go there, for he said: Lord, I know that only very seldom do You let follow what the prophet must threaten;
hence I do not want to go there, so I as a prophet will not come to shame before the Ninevites when You will surely have compassion with them again!
See, even this prophet placed a well-founded doubt on the anger of God!
Now I would advise you: Do what the Ninevites did, and you will again be received into grace!'
These words gave Tullia new courage, and she began to examine herself and soon found a great many faults within herself and admitted,
'Oh Mary, only now do I realize and it becomes clear to me why the Lord does thus chastise me!
See, my heart is full of sins and full of impurity. Oh, how will I ever be able to cleanse it again?
How then can I dare to love the holy One of all holiness with a most impure heart?'
And Mary replied, 'That is just why you must love Him in the repentant acknowledgement of your guilt, for only such love alone will cleanse your heart before Him, the holy One of all that is holy.'
When, late in the evening, the little Child entered the house again with His James, He at once went to Mary and requested something to eat, and Mary promptly gave Him some bread, butter and honey.
Thereupon He said, I now see another food - give Me to eat of that too! See, it is Tullia's heart; give it to Me, since you have already prepared it for Me!' - Here Tullia fell down before the Lord and wept.
At this Mary said, 'O Lord, have mercy on the poor one, who suffers much!'
And the little Child stated, i have long ago had mercy with her, or I would never have awakened her!
Only it was she who would not take any notice of My mercy and would rather contend with Me in her heart than to receive Me into it.
But since she has now turned her heart to Me, I have done to her as to the Ninevites.'
After these words the little Child went over to Tullia and said to her,
'Tullia, see, I have now become very tired; once you carried Me upon your arms and it did Me good - for you have very soft arms.
Therefore arise this time also and take Me upon your arms, and feel how sweet it is to have the Lord of life upon your arms!'
This request of the little Child fully broke Tullia's heart.
With her heart's greatest possible love she took the little Child on her soft arms and, while weeping, asked,
'O Lord, how is it possible that You are now so gracious to Me after Your terrible threat?'
And the little Child answered, 'Because you put the old Tullia, who was repugnant to Me, away from you and put on a new one, esteemed by Me! But be quiet now - for I do indeed love you again.' - And all those present were stirred to tears at this scene.