Bishop Martin - The Progress of a Soul in the Beyond

- Chapter 160 -

(Says Martin, deep in thought): "So this is still a test - my test! And everything here is for my sake alone! O God, O God, when will these tests end?
They will probably go on until I am ripe enough for hell and not for heaven. Most likely, I have to taste so much heavenly joy in order that hell may then seem all the worse to me!
How often I have been told: 'Now you are perfected, dear brother Martin!' But if I have achieved perfection, must I still achieve more than perfection for the actual heaven?
O God, I wish You had never ever created me; then my nonexistence would be so much happier than my existence in constant tests between hell and heaven.
At least I know now how I stand, thanks to you, dear brother Peter. However, I tell you that with this revelation, you have also completed all my tests with one stroke. Now you can draw up before me angels or devils - it will all be the same to me! Just as my future existence or non-existence, or heaven or hell, is all the same! For, if those, too, are tests and I am constantly tested, I do not care at all about a future life.
And, by God, you mentioned the barren moon to me. Do put me there quickly and forever! I shall be happier there than here with these constant tests, which show me clearly that although you, foremost princes of heaven, are with me together with the Lord, I am being guided to hell instead of to heaven!
But be that as it may, as I have already told you, you may now bring to me angels or devils, I do not care! For, from now on, I shall be dumber than a stone."
(Says Peter): "Brother, let go this thorn, for this is the death that accompanies the unchastity of the flesh. Its name is 'wrath', and that is why the children of the flesh are called 'children of wrath'! But look, they are already stepping outside. Compose yourself - your earnestness will be of benefit to you!"